Working Too Hard?

Some days I feel that I work too hard. For the day before a national holiday, everybody’s minds is on holiday mode, thinking of the bbq they are going to, what to wear for the hopefully the nice weather for tomorrow or whether or not they want to go see the fireworks in the city. The bosses to let everybody off a bit earlier since there wasn’t much to do….except for the big reports that was left behind for me to deal with. Instead of leaving early like everybody else. I ended up working overtime again and knocking out few more reports before I head home.

Why do I keep letting myself fall into this routine? Right now, I keep on telling myself that this is for my upcoming trip but deep down, I feel that there a fear that I might lose my fianancial independence and fall back to doing menial jobs. I am on par with people with JD in my department, I still want to go back to school and finish off my BA degree but so far I been advancing in my job so fast in the past two years that school was on the backburner and now for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a purpose and not have too worry too much about the stability of my job, even the the conditions of our job markets is saying so otherwise.

I also feel that I am also afraid of turning out like my father…being dependent of the government and not attaining much in the life. I strive to be as successful as I can and want to become something more than what my parents expect to me. I don’t want to become my dad as much as I love my dad. I still have hopes of achieving my dreams but now more than ever, I feel capacable that I will be able to do it. Funny how a few years time can change your preceptives on life.

I’m outz,

C

 

Limiting Access To Me

I told M that I have start blogging again but I also told him that I won’t probably want him reading my blog. The reasoning behind it is that this is my place for clearing out thoughts and putting my thoughts into writing. Some of these thoughts will include M a lot but since is where I am going to put these thoughts down. I wanted to freedom to write out my feelings in one place, having him reading this will not let me write out my thoughts to its fullest potential. After discussing this with him, he was supportive of my decision and will respect my wishes. It makes me thankful that M can be so understanding of my space and what I wanted to keep private. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him.

Work, these days have been extremely busy. Sometimes I wish I can limited the access of certain secretaries to me. But towards the end of the day, one of the secretaries I work with on the limited basis said the nicest thing to me to lift my spirits. She told me that while other might not apperciate who I am sometimes, that I was a very good person and don’t let these people pull you down. They do apperciate for all I do and thank me and it is nice to hear it once in a while. It brings me back into focus and ready to tackle the rest of this week head on.

I’m outz,

C